Historical Maritime combat

They're more likely to do so if they're treated as valued partners rather than slaves

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They're more likely to do so if they're treated as valued partners, rather than slaves. So give key people a decent slice of the action.9 Lack all pride You need money You need help You need clients. Your theme tune, therefore, is "Ain't Too Proud to Beg".10 Write a good business-plan Investors see hundreds of plans a week. If you want yours to be noticed, make it good.11 Crunch numbers.

It's impossible to forecast what your business will be like in five years' time. But investors like to see detailed month-by-month projections So humour them.12 You need an elevator pitch. This is the whole concept, plus bottom-line financial figures, on one sheet of paper, short enough to be read in a single elevator ride It's all the top guys will ever bother to read Make it good.13 Get an introduction. Your plan arrives on a desk unannounced, it's in the bin a minute later So let recipients know it's coming And make sure they get this news from someone they trust Better yet, someone to whom they're obliged That way, they'll have to read it.14 Be enthusiastic You'll meet lots of grey suits whom you need to impress They'll be dull as ditchwater You, however, must be as fizzy as Fanta They like that.15 Get a good patter These guys see a zillion presentations a day Yours has to be better.16 Jargonise. Pepper your conversation with concepts like "disintermediation" and "first-mover advantage".

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It's all complete cobblers, but it makes suits feel you're speaking their language.17 Keep it snappy Businesses are like movies The best ones can be described in a sentence. If yours is too complicated to explain, it's way too complicated to sell.18 Show them the exit. Before people put money in, they need to know how they'll get it out. Will you float? Will you be bought by? Come up with a credible strategy.19 Figure out your exit, too. How are you going to make money from all this? Not the notional value of your shares, but real, hard cash. Don't even start until you've answered that question.20 Be sexy Grey suits lead drab lives. If your business can get them close to fame, glamour, or beautiful women, they love it But -21 Don't invest in blondes.

Grey men lose all judgement when confronted with beautiful blondes These blondes may well be brilliant. But the over-excitement they engender in bankers will cause the value of their businesses to be wildly over-inflated Three words as proof: Boo dot com Three more: Martha Lane-Fox.22 Have more than one backer. Internet funds have been folding as fast as internet companies If your backers go down, they'll take you with them. So don't put all your commercial eggs in one financial basket.23 Ask for lots of dosh. Nothing makes an investor more nervous than someone who asks for a small amount of money. Double the number you first thought of and they might just take you seriously.24 Obsess about revenue. If investors can't see a massive profit for themselves, they won't give you Penny One You must have a revenue-stream But -25 Forget retail The Net is lousy for selling objects Shops and catalogues do it better.26 Forget advertising.